a hell of a day

I have so much to say but I need to get this off my chest... so a more in depth blog is to come... first of all we found out we were pregnant yesterday... and I was going to blog all about it tomorrow because I have been so excited all day but tonight Prince Charming Started to bleed again... and I am just not feeling hopeful anymore... I thought that for sure we would have a healthy pregnancy and that the last miscarriage was a fluke... I feel Like I have to be strong for her so here I sit bawling after the house sleeps... so what was gonna be a super great blog, again ends in great heartache and pain... and to top it off I am babysitting my cousins kids tonight and the baby screamed all night... leaving me thinking maybe I am not cut out for this... because all i wanted to do was start crying with him....

It's a long story...

 So, there is so much to tell, and it's a long story... consider yourself warned... So when I last touched base we had lost our donor last min, and I was in a foul mood, and so on and so forth... So let me catch you up on what has happened since... we went to have dinner with the donor that Prince Charming had found through a site her Mom of all people found... and before you freak out... I text my cousin his "name" which I could only assume was really his name, the make and model of his car... the email address he had used to contact us, and anything else I thought would help the police find us before he could chop us both up... I was betting that as prepared as I was at least one of us could make it out alive... But turns out he was a normal kinda guy... and dinner went well...  so we were feeling good about this... but we had missed our window, but we now had a good chance at being able to try again... well after a week and still not hearing from him, we thought maybe he didn't like us... (cue sad lesbian music here...) so again it felt like we were out of luck... now remember that friend that was visiting that had offered to help, but we were too late... yeah He called on Thursday to check the dates when Prince Charming would be ovulating again so he could make sure he would be here... so again excited... then I get a text from our donor that "backed out" last week... he needed to come by and pick up something... while he was here I was avoiding baby talk at all measures, I was sure that if he even mentioned it I would turn into a raging witch and scratch his eyes out... however the conversation came up and he was adamant  that he never said he wasn't coming that he was getting mixed signals from Prince Charming on the whole text front and then eventually Price Charming told him not to come... okay now I am confused... but then my brain starts working and her Grandpa had just passed a day before and I am sure she wasn't communicating very clearly, after all this is my wife and I know her best... She too was getting mixed signals, and this caused a massive miscommunication...SO... We sit down and he tells us how much he wants to do this and tells us he will be here on Baby Making Days... great  now we have 2 people that are planning on coming... (no pun intended)... but what to our wondering amazement did happen after that... we finally got a response back from the guy we had dinner with... and he wants to meet again... oh brother... we went from no one to 3 people and now we have to sort it all out fast... I am not complaining... We just have to figure out what is the best way to handle this situation... 

So besides all that going on we have been busy as well... We continue to try to make Grams life a little more exciting each day... and well she makes ours exciting too... like yesterday when I had to explain a queef to Gram... Yes you read that right... she was very concerned about the expulsion of wind from the vulva during coitus; which I then explained very simply as a vaginal fart. and told her she didn't have to be worried... that sometimes it just happens... (good training for parenthood I am sure)... Prince Charming got her Some Channel #5 and it is hilarious... why you say? Well gram doesn't put it on her she sprays her entire room with it... Probably the best air freshener on the market! She also enjoys watching 3D movies with Prince Charming... She kept reaching out for the stuff... it was very fun... we also brought the Mother-in-Law up to see her last weekend and they went thru old picture albums... Now, I took this picture from out in the hallway, because I wanted to catch the moment without them knowing I was there... Now after reviewing this picture we found something very cool about it... Let me first say that I believe in Spirits or ghost, I believe there are good ones and there are bad ones... everyone believes differently, and I respect that so please respect my opinion on this... the neat thing about this picture is that while they are looking over old photo albums and reminiscing about being in Japan and moving to the states... there appears to be an orb hovering above them... Now Let me make it clear, I am not a orb seeker in pictures, in fact I don't think I have ever even considered putting a label like that on any of my pictures, but this just seems to be a picture perfect moment to me... I firmly believe that any number of passed family members could have been looking in with them... And Gram is always telling us stories about people talking to her in the middle of the night or of hearing whistling... I have always said I think she has some sorta "sense" about her, but this just confirmed it for me... 

In other news, I have finished 3 more books...

I really enjoyed this series, more than I thought I would actually.... they remind me of the short story "The Lottery" but an much more expansive take on it! If you are looking for something to read... You might want to give it a try...

As far as movies that Prince Charming Picks out... We have two to add to that list the First being "Hedwig and the Angry Inch".... Which I had brutally shut done once before when she tried to get me to watch it... was actually an okay movie... I enjoyed getting to see what she loved about it.... but then she put on "Amadeus" and I fell in love... I was an opera major in college, and I loved ever minute of this movie... in fact I want to watch it now just telling you about it! I loved it... did I mention how much I enjoyed it! You get the picture... it was a movie I am sad I just discovered!

 I also have a Muppet's Act of Love to mark off of the list...  But First let me Introduce you to Lucy... She is my guitar, I don't spend as much time with her as I wish I did, but I love her none the less... Prince Charming got her for me, and I can play a little but I have much room for improvement... So I decided I wanted to learn to play something for Prince Charming and not tell her I was doing it... Hence the random act of love deal... Something you must know about Prince Charming, it that loving the Muppet's is one of her most Charming attributes... and because of her I too now love them... Her favorite is Kermi, and I love Piggy... which if you knew us on a personal level you would most likely find fairly comical and accurate... But she tells this story about when she was a wee gal, and her class sang the "Rainbow Connection" song... So I learned how to play it for her... So I did, and then I had her teach me how to play chess (something I have been telling her I would let her do for years now) with out Muppet's Chess set... Great Fun!




       

I have also been working on that Granny Square Blanket...
Little did I know what  a HUGE project I was taking on... it has become quite the production... taking over our whole living room, but here is what I have got done so far... It is gonna be really cool when it is done...

And in other news, I had a Job interview, and I am hoping to hear back from them soon... I am really hoping that I get this job, the hours seem like they would fit perfectly into our schedule, and It will be good for me to have          something to do!                                                                                           I will leave you with goofy pictures of Cindarella... thats me!!!

To blog... or not to blog... that is the question...

as I embark on each step of this journey, And believe me I know that in comparison to many we are newbies, I find myself dealing with so many emotions... and while I want to share them with others, I find myself almost protecting myself... like if I don't blog about them... maybe I can just forget all the pain and torment my heart is experiencing. So for several days now I have debated with myself on whether or not to blog... But if I truly want this to be about my journey... then I have to... I have to be honest with myself and tell my story... so here goes... We knew that this weekend was going to be baby making showtime... I was excited and ready to begin the long wait again... however our donor backed out on us on Friday... My first reaction was anger... I wanted to go find him punch his face in and then kick him when he was down...(I know this sounds awful, but this is how I felt) I was in a rage... I hated him... Doesn't he know how much this means to us... stupid jerk face( yes I went there)... So needless to say that I was a mess... absolutely of no comfort to Prince Charming I am sure, but that was my raw emotion... My mind immediately went to how can I fix this... I was have visions in my head of going to a bar and giving some drunk guy money to go whack off in the bathroom...( crude I know... I was going nuts... DON'T JUDGE ME.) So after I calm down and start to think a little more clearly... The heartbreak hit me... no donor ='s no baby... and then the emotions all came crashing down... my dreams were crushed... the next day my phone rings... and it is a old friend of ours that has always told us that he would donate sperm when the time came... I thought my miracle had happened... that this was going to fix all our problems... He agreed to help, and all was right with the world again, except when Prince Charming took the ovulation test... we had missed out chance... it was to late, and again I felt the flood of emotions... now calm collected me, knows that this just was not our month, and maybe the next one will be, but It hurt... it hurt really bad... because there was no warning... just devastation (at least that is what it felt like to me). Prince Charming was stellar thru all of this as she usually is, and I know that our dreams are still in the making and that timing is everything... blah blah blah, but it stunk... and still stinks...
Now, I am an emotional person to begin with... yes I am the girl that cry's at Hallmark commercials... and If you really want to see me cry just show me a preview of something bad happening on the next episode of Greys Anatomy... then the waterworks start for sure... I have a very special bond with Greys... besides the fact that I own all 7 seasons... this show has got me thru so many hard times... as crazy as it sounds I feel like I know these people... they have been a part of my life for so many years... this relationship started when I was in college, and my Sorority (Zeta Zeta Zeta) would have Thursday night Greys nights... yes even our Beaus would come to watch with us... We did this for years... and when major things have happened in my life, I have found comfort and joy in Greys... For example, My Mom passed away on New Years Eve when I was home for Christmas( I Went to College in Texas, and am from Kansas City, Mo). The first Greys night when I got back to school... Georges dad Died... I meet Prince Charming and discovered my sexuality, and all of a sudden Cali is gay and dating Arizona... and then when I got Married Christina finally got married, and while I am struggling to have a baby, Meredith and Derick are trying to have a baby... do you get my weird bond yet? Anyway the purpose of me telling you all of that is that it happened again... I have them set to record, but sometimes I get a week behind and such... well last week when we were watching a girl on the show had to make a tough decision and take her mom off life support, I kid you not, we watched this the day after Prince Charming had to make the same decision for her granddad.. and at the very end of the show... the social worker shows up and gives Derick and Meridith Zola... SO that must mean that our baby is not far behind them right!?! Now that you all think I am a nut case! I will leave you with that...

THE LIEBSTER AWARD!!!

THE LIEBSTER AWARD!!!

I would like to begin by saying thank you to all my fellow bloggers, But most importantly I would like to thank Paradykes over at   http://paradykes.blogspot.com for giving me this Liebster Award... I really look forward to our bond growing stronger as we continue on this ttc journey together... and I can't wait to share ridiculous storys about our hormonal wife's together...   in my heart we are connected already (that may seem weird, but it's so not intended to be), and I can't wait to learn more about you and your amazing family... You would have for sure been one of my nominations had you not already bestowed this honor to me...

So anyways, The Liebster Blog Award is an award for bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve more recognition.

Liebster is a German word that means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’, but can also mean‘favorite’. The idea of the award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers.

The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:

§ Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them

§ Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog

§ Post the award on your blog

§ Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers

§ Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing.

Drum Roll Please...

And the Liebster Award goes to...

Prince Charming over at http://charmingcindarella.blogspot.com this is my wife's Blog, she started her blog to share her side of our story... the goal is to publish both blogs after we have our baby so that they will one day be able to read the story of how they became our most precious gift... I didn't nominate her first because she is my wife, but because she is an amazing person, and I think you all will love to read her journey just as much if not more than mine...

Doug and Bill over at http://dougandbill.blogspot.com/... I love this blog... so much so that on Christmas day I must have logged on 10 times just to find out what the gender revile reviled... If you are not a fan of this blog, I strongly encourage you to subscribe and get to know them... get people who are gonna be great Daddies...

Michael over at http://michaelssurrogateexperience.blogspot.com... He makes me laugh as he saddles up to take on twins... when he shares stories of shopping, and needing translations while shopping, I picture us in the future having to come to him for said translations... this guy is gonna be a great father, and I can't wait to meet his little ones... in about... oh... 84days...

Chad and Doug at http://justoneoutofsevenbillion.blogspot.com they have taken on the world with twins literally... they just flew across the world with newborn twins... I think they deserve a whole other kinda award for that... I love all the great pics and post about Cedric and Ezra... they are handsome little guys!

  Mommy with a Penis at http://mommywithapenis.blogspot.com/ His header says "The humorous musings of a gay man who is the mommy of two small whipper snappers, and wife of an ex-drag queen. No wonder I have a complex. Mommy needs a cocktail!" need I say any more... I was laughing so hard through his last post that I almost peed myself!

Thank you again for such an honor... Paradykes

May the Force be With You...

So I ended my last post explaining to you that Prince Charming brought home some movies Friday night to help me with my "before I am 30 list" at the time, I was VERY excited!!! Let's just say that excitement lasted about 10 min into the first movie... Star Wars The Phantom Menace. I am not giving these an epic failure review. I am just making it clear that I was not beating myself up afterwards asking myself how I had gone all 29 years of my life without experiencing said movies... instead I was begging  "The Force to be with me..." We ended up Watching the first 4 and then I could take no more... I needed a break... I will watch the other two soon, because Prince Charming Picked them as part of her 30 movies, but I just was all light sabered out... I am glad that I watched them... because now when nerdy people make references, I might get them.

       We watched them in order 1-4 instead of watching them the way that they were released... Prince Charming was sure that this would be the best way for me to actually understand and ENJOY them... but my take on the story goes a little something like this...( please forgive my nomenclature if you love these movies) Jedi meets little boy, Princess has secret identity... cool creatures, fighting, more fighting, someone dies,  little boy grows up and becomes Jedi, Princess grows up and becomes Hot... They hook up... get married... fighting, more fighting, Yoda Fights ( this part I really did enjoy), someone dies... princess gets knocked up, baby daddy goes crazy and turns to the dark side...fighting, more fighting, someone dies,  Princess dies after having twins... twins get separated so that mean baby daddy can't find them...(This is where watching them in this order caused me problems...movie number 4) little girl grows up to be new Princess sends message to old jedi, using super cute droids (I really liked these two robots), her brother starts crushing on her... they fight some bad people... baby daddy is in the mix somewhere...fighting, more fighting, someone dies,  and then Brother starts laying on the moves... it was at about this point when this whole mess became torture for me... maybe watching them in this order was not such a good idea... but check 4 movies off of my "30 movies that Prince Charming wants me to see" list... and it all seems a little more worth it...
 
I was so "entranced" by the movies, that I  had to find something to make the time go by a little faster... so I began working on a blanket for my niece Isabella that will be arriving in a few months... My sister in law, I am sure is already dreading us nicknaming this child... because we are known for this... Malachi her oldest is "Chi" to us... pronounced like pie but with a K... the soon to be middle child is Josiah,  while pregnant with him she was persistent that it would not be shortened to Joey... or anything like that... so We started calling Him our little Jo Jo... it stuck... and I already dream about calling little Isabella, Izzy my Bell or Bella
  
       We also did a little reorganizing of the kitchen this weekend... we have lived here for a year now and we are just figuring out how to best use all of our space... it was a mad dash to get moved in and things have been okay... but sometimes finding things can be a chore... so while moving things around, we found several things to add to my get rid of basket... which is soon going to have to be emptied so I can start filling it again... we had an extra toaster, strainer, thermoses, a set of tap lights, vases, canisters, and many more... But that's 33 more things to check off of my "get rid of 365 things" list

a mist the kitchen being a complete mess, Gram decided that she wanted to listen to some music... We got her a brand new CD player for Christmas you see, because the one she had was old and ancient... and well ugly... the new one is snow white and crisp and clean and much lighter and smaller which we thought would fit this old fastidious woman to a 'T'... after plugging in her new CD player and getting her all set up she decided she didn't like the quality of sound of the new one and wanted Old faithful back... we were more than happy to trade it out for her and I found great joy in watching her sit and stare at the old heap of plastic as she listened to her "Tom Jones Englebert Humperdink Sing Country Favorites" CD... I also found humor in the fact that she is not sitting around listening to old records, no it's a very old CD player...

    Something you may have figured out already (I remind you of my "Before I am 30 list") is that I have a new found passion for list making... I get such a thrill out of making a list and then checking everything off of it... I have recently become a much better house keeper thanks to my list making addiction... in fact I have been keeping the house clean enough (with Prince Charmings help of course) that today I had all of my list checked off by eleven, so I spent an hour scrubbing the shower ( like really scrubbing with dryer sheets... it works really well in a shower, FYI... I had  heard this some time ago and today it was confirmed... dryer sheets are in fact amazing scum fighters!) I would never have done that before... house work was in fact a CHORE to me... but I enjoy checking it all off now... I also have a new found passion for blogging... which you may also have noticed... ;)  When you put these two passions together you get well this... another really long post... thank goodness that Prince Charming finds both of the before mentioned cute... because many times a day she loses me as I stop what ever we are doing, run and get my list and make notes for my next blog...
     Something else you may not know is that Prince Charming is an amazing artist... and, well... I am just SO not... Sometimes we play a game that we named (just the other night when we were playing it again,  because it has to have a name if you are gonna blog about it...) Cou-doodle... couple doodling...!!! How we play is Prince Charming will draw something and then I try to draw it exactly like she did. It is if nothing else,  comical for Price Charming to watch my attempts I am sure. the First one we did was themed "In the Park"... the Next one was "Fairy Garden"... Cheesy and Gay I know... but look who we are talking about!

     Moving to complete randomness now... Prince Charming and I were listening to the radio this weekend and I heard a commercial for "Sesame Street on Ice" and I ask her nonchalantly if she would want to take our future kids to something like that, in which she responded "of course it will be a great excuse to get to go." My thoughts exactly!!!  but then something awful happened... we started talking about similar things we had got to do as kids and I mentioned getting to see the Zoobilee Zoos...  and the appsopause was haunting... She has never heard of them... Please tell me that at least one of you know and loved the Zoobilee Zoos... I loved that show when I was a kid... I even (somewhere) have a signed poster from when I got to see them... I mean they made the stinking scrapbook as a kid folks!!! Now I am gonna have to find some internet upload of an episode and make her watch it!

And last, but not least... For my birthday Gram gave me a 100 bill... I used it to buy the yarn for my granny square blanket on my "things to do before I am 30 list". I was excited to show her what I got last night... she is so stinking funny... It's fun times like these that I will have forever in my heart!

Epic Failure...

One of my goals on my  "Before I am 30" List... is to read 30 books this year before I turn 30... I had a few in mind as I put his on the list... one being "We bought a Zoo"... I was so excited about this book that I chose to read it first... thinking It would be so good that I could knock it out in a few days... let me tell you something... finishing this book was torture for me... and I enjoy reading... All I can say is that I hope the movie is nothing like the book... the previews look touching and inspirational, and portrays itself to be one of those movies that will make you laugh one min and cry the next... so naturally, I expected to book to be awesome... but instead epic failure! (all readers have a right to there own thoughts on this, but please spare telling me how much you loved this book because I would love to learn what rock you grew up under and introduce you to some real authors...) Harsh... I know, but it was like reading the cue cards for a documentary... it is so spastic, there is absolutely no personality in it at all...it is non moving and un-inspirational and by the end of it you think of the book as really just another way for him to try to make some more money... which then pisses you off, because the jerk didn't even write a good book... ugh... All that to say that I have now checked my first of 30 books off my list... let's hope that the next 29 aren't so tortuous...
     In other news... Prince Charming stopped on her way home from work and picked up a few movies for me to watch to tackle a few off of that list... I am excited to get to experience movies with her that I would otherwise probably NEVER watch... it's good for me... I am expanding my horizon... I won't spoil the fun of my next post by telling you what movies she brought home... you will just have to wait and see!!!

My Blog of Many Colors...

 Prince Charmings Grandpa Passed away today... Unfortunately she had to make a very strong decision today, and  take him off of life support... he went into the hospital a few days ago and they were trying to fight the infection he had and so we agreed to let them put him on life support while they tried to eliminate the infection. However today when she talked to the doctor it was clear that he was not going to get better and that he was getting worse even on the life support. She instructed them to honor his wishes of no machines and he passed when they disconnected him... Charming amazes me more and more each time we encounter a stressful situation... she is so strong, and I am so proud of her strength in this situation... We decided that it is probably best that we not tell Gram, I know to some that may sound cruel, but she hasn't been able to see him in over a year and we are not sure how much longer we will have her for, and neither one of us want to see her get sad or have a reason to feel like giving up... what she doesn't know won't hurt her... at least that is how I feel...
      With all the events leading up to today, and today, we have been trying to make sure we are spending extra time with Gram. We talked tonight about getting her the finest sheets that we can find for her hospital bed (they are bringing it in on sat), and getting her a dawn comforter... and we are going to buy a few Disney Earth movies and bring one of her cozy chairs into the living room and watch it with her on our 72 inch TV... I want to buy her the finest bottle of wine and sit and drink it with her... we both just want to make sure that she has the best last days of her life... One thing that I have been trying to do lately is capture memories to last Prince Charming a lifetime. so when I walked by the room tonight and saw this... It made me smile and I ran for my camera...Prince Charming was sitting on the floor "watching TV" with gram ( I think after the day she had she was doing a little more watching of Gram than of the TV).


  af·ghan [ áf gàn ]

1. blanket: a knitted or crocheted blanket or shawl, often with geometric designs
2. carpet: a large carpet woven in a geometric design

         What a weird freaking word... Sorry, you know you were all thinking it... but anyhow... I made one.... a while ago actually but I just finished my second one, and we have been using the first one I made on the bed... so I thought I might show it off just because. It's special to me... It was the first blanket I ever made, and it fits on our King... I just used scraps and started it one day and it turned out just perfect... for me at least... 

 This next blanket however was a totally different story... it started as one thing ended as something totally different... I started this blanket as a baby blanket for Belly Fish... I hesitated to start it when we found out Prince Charming was pregnant, but I was just so excited I started it... I went and picked out colors that could work for either gender, and then I began... I made a small portion of the blanket here and there over the next few weeks... then the miscarriage happened, and I actually almost threw the whole thing in the trash that day when we came home from the hospital... but Prince Charming stopped me and put it in the closet... I have seen it many times sitting in the bottom of the closet, and just ignored it... but after I made my "before I am 30" goal list, I knew that I would have to face it eventually... so I finished the lamps, and the mirror, and then decided that I was gonna tackle it... when I started this blanket, I had a very set idea of what this blanket would be used for and what it would look like and it was going to be perfection for MY BABY...  but as I began to work on it this time, It became a new idea, it became a blanket that Prince Charming and I can cuddle up on the couch with now, and when she is prego. it became a reminder that having a baby is a journey not a race... I was so excited to make it that I raced into starting it... and then after... it felt tainted... but now it feels like a blanket of Hope (no pun intended. However, it is funny!) and a blanket of joy... I even changed the pattern as I went because you can't always put a pattern on things in life... and so as the journey of the blanket changed so did the pattern... who knew that finishing something like that could be so therapeutic... but It is my Blanket of Many colors that I Made JUST FOR ME... (any Dolly fans out there get that?)

.

And then I will Bring your attention (if you are even still reading this) to exhibit A... in this photo you will see a wide array of items including several bath and body works, items... Before Prince Charming I never really had "BIG  GIRL" perfume, but I always had a wide variety of Bath and Body works Products because when you are young and poor you think $60 bucks for a bottle of "BIG GIRL" perfume... I could get 6 bottles of body spray for that... and so you do... but since being with Prince Charming, I have a collection including fragrances like Happy, Burberry, Viva la Juicy, Very Sexy and Tease.  I am by no means proclaiming that these are outrageously expensive or trying to sound materialistic, but to me these are "Big Girl" perfumes...  So today while cleaning our bedroom I found a bottle of Bath and Body Works lotion and it was in my way... and that's when it happened... It clicked... I looked at my shelf and the ungodly amount of Bath and Body works stuff I had and how all my "Big Girl" perfume looked squashed and mistreated... and the cleaning commenced... I grabbed a trash bag and a basket for my get rid of list... and this is what I ended up with... Lots of lotion and body sprays, a few random pencils, a package of random key rings, a few bracelets, a bible (don't freak out I have like 10... valedictorian of bible school here), and a ceramic flower... so that's 23 things off of my 365 to get rid of before 30...and my bedroom is now very organized...
                     And While we are on the topic of checking things off of my list...Prince Charming had a rough day today, so she went to bed several hours ago and I wanted to do something to make her smile in the morning... So I wrote "I Love You So Much! in Post it Notes  ( who doesn't love them some Post it Notes?)... so that when she gets up at the butt crack of dawn, she will see this! This is going to be one of my "do 30 random acts of love for Prince Charming"!

 I also put together what I am going to call a "Phone Dump"... with pictures that I have taken with my Phone, hence the name... you get the point... anywho... I take pictures with my phone enough that I should be able to have "Phone Dumps" periodically... and since I have already turned this into the worlds longest post, and lost all followers as well as earning the nickname "Long Winded Wendy" from all the queens... I will just proceed with my "Phone Dump"... I have the luxury of being a stay at home "MOM" for our Puppies... so like any proud mother my phone is full of random pictures of my kiddos... Honest (he is the Mastiff) can be caught in a large array of sleeping poses and is almost always still enough to get a great picture... Truely (the Black Lab) is a beautiful girl and she knows it... but she is my prancer... she is so much fun to play with, however Miss Social Butterfly makes taking flattering pictures of her a little more difficult... but I still manage to get a few here and there... then there is a picture of Prince Charming from the other day when we were going to the "Super Flea" (the Super Flea here is like a magical land where you can find all kinds of cool treasures if you really look... think Little Mermaid when she is down in the cavern... they have gadgets and gizmos a plenty they have whos its and whats its galore, you want thing-a-ma-bobs they got 20... no but seriously they have everything...) and she was looking super cute and I took that picture of her while she was driving... kinda Artsy... I like it...and then there is one of me from when I was sending our friend a picture of me wearing a scarf that he gave to me...

As if this entry hasn't already been random enough for you... I took this picture on my birthday because when I woke up that morning this was sitting on the kitchen table... My wife got up at 2am to go to the store to make sure that she would have a present waiting for me when I woke up in the morning... The flowers were So Pretty... I just needed to make sure I documented them... which brings me to my next point I guess you could say...
     When I started this blog I told Prince Charming that if I kept up with it like I wanted to... that after the baby was born that I would like to publish my Journey for us to keep forever... and one day share with our children... I would have loved to be able to read a journal about how My mom's life was when she was pregnant with me, and all her thoughts and milestones... I just thought it would be a cool idea... well I didn't know how cool of an idea it would turn out to be, but... Prince Charming has began to tell her side of the story... She started a sister blog to mine called "Charming Cindarella" and the goal is to publish them together so that it will document both of our journey...she is now one of my followers so if you guys want to you can check out her side of this Fairytale..."Be Our Guest'! ( I am killing you with the Disney references tonight I know!!) (But Seriously you should add her!)
     I Guess what I have to say now is for our future Child or Children... If you are reading this then that means that you Mommies did something VERY cool, and we followed thru on what feels like a HUGE commitment to me... a whole year of actually sticking with something... you will see what I am talking about... if you haven't already... but this commitment is nothing compared to the commitment we will be making when we bring you into this world... don't ever take lightly the fact that you are here... we want/wanted (if you are reading this... ) you so bad and I hope that you enjoy learning about how much love went into making and then waiting for you to be the biggest commitment of our lives...  

Wanting to Ring Her Bell...

      In order to understand the Humor in this post, I must first give you some background on Gram... First off she is Japanese, and 86 and old and fragile and stubborn and strong and smart and forgetful and brave and responsible and scared and child like... do you get my point... she is an amazing woman, but getting to know her is not easy... and takes someone very patient to figure her out. I have had many adventures in learning Gram, you see, she speaks her own dialect, one that only 2 other people speak fluently... Cindarella (me), and Prince Charming.
        Let me give you some examples... there was the first time I got a shopping list from Gram: we had just moved into our House where we live now, we had just moved the day before in a blizzard, our rental truck had cancelled on us, that morning we had spent the remainder of the morning calling any moving company that we could find in the yellow pages until we found a mover to move us that day. When we put the last box into the house that night it was almost midnight! So the next morning in the middle of unpacking boxes I realized that I needed to got o the store to get stuff for lunch... little did I know that when asking Gram if she needed anything, I got a whole list... She ask for Star Margarine... I know right... I was racking my brain trying to translate this... then It dawned on me Star Magazine...
       Okay I got it, I was ready to play this game... the next one she threw at me was easy she wanted wieners, Hot dogs! Okay confidence was building... then she ask for Little Debbie cakes, I was thrilled! I mean I already knew what she wanted at this point, but then the feisty side of me came out... and I said which ones gram... She then proceeded to tell me that it was named after and animal... and this animal is very tall with very long neck... So I responded with the appropriate animal based on her description of course and proudly ask Giraffe? Chuckling to myself as she said "yes Giraffe"... I explained that I thought she might have meant Zebra cakes, and she then gave her heart melting smile and said yes that's what I meant...  this is just one of the many stories I have about Gram... there is the time she told me the fire was "so comfortable" and wouldn't accept cozy or warm as other descriptive words... or the time that she told me she "have bad personality" because I had ask her if she wanted me to turn up the tv and she said no and changed her mind... the woman calls me Jackie for gosh sake... A name I would NEVER let anyone else in the world get away with. I love this woman... she is my Gram too...
        So Now lets get to the events of yesterday... I don't even know where to begin with this part of the story... so just bear with me... It was afternoon I had stepped out to the garage to have a Cigarette, Gram opened the garage door and looked awful she said she couldn't brethe, I jump up guide her back to her room and check her oxygen it is not working, so I go to the kitchen and get some water to test the oxygen tube for any flow and get a little bit of bubbles, so I put it back on gram and then went to check the valves on the machine. As I was looking at the machine in the other room I heard a thud on the floor. I ran to the hall, to find Gram limp on the floor barely breathing and unconsicous... I ran to my phone in the living room and I ran back to gram... My mind was racing do I call 911 or Hospice, our Hospice Nurse Michelle had told me to call them first, and although my gut was telling me to call 911 I went with what my brain said and that was we have a plan stick to it... call Hospice... all of that went thru my brain in the time it took me to see gram run to living room and then back to her... just a few seconds. anyway I picked her up with ease (thank you adrenaline)... but when I put her on the bed she bounced into the air and screamed out... (not so thank you adrinile)... but she screamed out and woke up... I then held her like a rag doll as I called for help... it was tramatic and very scarey for me... I thought she was going to die on me... but within a few min Michelle or Super Nurse as I like to call her was here... and everything was fine... We made a decision about bringing in a hospital bed, and then discussed ways to keep things like this from happening..... I suggested a bell so that if she was having a hard time breathing or something or in pain, that she could just ring it and we would be able to know that she needed us and she wouldn't waist her little bit of energy trying to find us which is what I believe made her pass out... 
    So now imagine me sitting here working on finishing another project so I can mark it off my list... when I hear THE BELL RING... everything in me stops, adrenaline streamed thru my veins, I jump up drop everything in my hands and take off running for her room kicking myself for not thinking and grabbing my phone. As I burst into her room she is sitting childlike and cheerfully in her bed... looking well rested from her afternoon nap, and asking for a "Bite" (food). I shook the whole time I made her lunch... and about halfway thru writing this blog... it is safe to say that she scared me so much, that I wanted to RING HER BELL...

let the marking off begin!

Most people that know me will tell you that if you want to do something crafty, that I am your girl... and I would tend to agree with them... there is not many things that I won't try to figure out... I love to tackle these projects, but tend to get bored fast... that is why I have included this very subject on my "before I am 30" list... I have projects started and not finished all over the house... so this weekend I finished some lamps that I made, and yesterday I finished a mirror I started...

 
 These lights were a little more complicated than I first thought they might be... I know what you are thinking they can't be that hard and they really aren't, but it was a huge mess, and it was way more stressful than I anticipated...  what you do is take a balloon and blow it up to about the size that you want... then you take liquid starch and basically you paper mache with yarn... sounds easy but after about the 10th time that you have it wrapped and it all slips off your balloon you will want to throw it like i wanted to... thank god that Prince Charming was able to stay calm when I was screaming at her because nothing was going my way, and talk me off the throwing the balloons at her edge... I think they turned out nice! lol... we hung them in the garage this weekend cause we have kinda made it a "living space" when we have friends over we hang out there a lot...

This mirror was in our downstairs bathroom, and I hated it... So I decided that I was going to make it more fun so it would go with the retro green I painted the bathroom... I started it and loved what was happening as I transformed it, however life gets busy and I left it sitting on the table in the garage for months now... you can tell because of all the dust I had to wipe off that this project was way neglected... but yesterday I conquered and it looks great!!

before I am 30...

I have decided that since the big 30 is just a little under a year away that I would make some goals or a bucket list of sorts... as I approach the end of my glory 20's... so here goes...

1.) HAVE  A BABY
2.) drop 30lbs
3.) watch 30 movies that Prince Charming likes or picks that I haven't seen
4.) have 30 date nights with other couples
5.) read 30 books
6.) Have 30 paying customers for Prescott Street Photography
7.) Make a blanket out of small granny squares
8.) throw away 365 things.
9.)  30 random acts of love for Prince Charming
10.) start/finish 30 craft projects big or small.

Let the Fun Begin...

And all since I turned 29...

Oh I have so much to tell... My life has been one big party the past several days. I turned 29 on the 4th and I feel like the party just ended... Wednesday night Prince Charming took me to dinner and we watched the KU game and had drinks with a few friends. Thursday night we had a dinner date at our friend Jeannie's house, he partner made home made fried chicken and mashed potatoes and corn on the cob... it was delicious... then Friday night, my cousin got tickets to a cage fight, I was skeptical, but my Prince wanted to check it out and it turned out to be a very fun night... I partied like I was 21... my cousin Chris, was the "Highlight" of the night however.... at one point I thought I was gonna pee myself... you see he is pretty redneck, but when three men who I am almost positive were related to the Clampetts, bearing maybe a few to many missing teeth walked thru our little circle, and cousin chris decided to start playing the air bango, complete with sound effects from mouth, it took everything in me not to pee myself... now I understand that it was rude of him... of course... but at that point in the evening, it was the best thing since drag queens discovered glitter... add cousin chris yelling "pow right to the kisser" ALL NIGHT LONG, anytime someone stepped foot in the ring, and you get the point... it was a night to remember for sure! That brings us to Saturday, Saturday morning our very dear friend Amy came to visit for a few days from Topeka... We spent the whole day catching up: talking, drinking coffee, and lots of smokey treats. That evening we had some more friends coming over to hang out, we dubbed it a coffeepot party, and so it was! I bet I drank 3 pots of coffee but had so much fun with friends... Yesterday was low key, Prince Charming had a visitor we were not welcoming to... when Aunt Flo decided to derail the baby train, but we are hopeful that we will have better juju next time...  Prince Charming has also been discussing starting her own sister blog, so that we can document both sides of the story... I am excited about that... I will let you know when she starts it...